It's a boy, KG!!!

[Two Gap Penetrator]

It's so exciting!!!

[IronEagle]

It's so exciting!!!

He tries to hijack a thread regarding training camp in favor of this and now he's got nothing to say.

Weird.

[Kelly Green]

Excuse Me For Having A Job

I didn't RSVP because was waiting out a severe thundershower that halted an American Legion baseball game in the bottom of the second.

As for that training camp thread and any others to which I might post, my posts speak for themselves -- I write what I feel like writing, I reply to whatever inspires me. There is absolutely NO ulterior motive whatsoever!

That is the ONLY reason I post to a thread, you stupid shit-for-brains moron!! If you and the rest of your cadre didn't follow up my posts with your bullshit, nobody else would care!

[Ellsworth]

It's so exciting!!!

Have they chosen a name yet? Joffrey would be pretty sweet.

I saw that on twitter. Stole

[slag]

Speaking of American Legion ... did I ever tell you

about when I was making extra money in college as an umpire and did this American Legion game without my cup?

Fucking catcher whiffed on a fastball down the pipe and I catch it flush in the nads.

Lemme tell ya, I was singing soprano for a week.

I get inspired to write that story every time I see the words American Legion.

[Kelly Green]

Must Have Made Future Games Interesting

Guy says to his friend, the manager, "Hey George -- where'd you find the hairy lady umpire?"

The words "That smarts" don't even come close to covering it. You have my belated sympathy!

[slag]

Speaking of hairy

Did I ever tell you about how my wife and daughter always used to take my Mach V and fuck up the blades shaving their underarms in the shower?

I've started hiding it in a ear wax remover kit box on the top shelf of the bathroom cabinet that nobody uses.

Works like a charm.

I'm inspired to write that story every time in see the word "hairy."

[Kelly Green]

You're Pushing It

Shoulda stopped with the umpire.

[slag]

Speaking of pushing

Did I ever tell you about the time I was pushed into a subway car on a crowded platform and my briefcase was still outside the door when it closed?

I'm in the train ... the briefcase is on the platform.

I go to work, I'm losing my mind ... and then a phone call comes from some guy who picked it up and saw my business cards in it.

He wouldn't even take the 50 I tried to give him.

Changes your opinion of NYC huh?

I'm inspired to write that story every time I read the word "pushing."

[RSE]

Speaking of pushing, did I ever tell you about the time, when I was first married and my wife and I were working in the city, when my wife was watching the local morning news before work and a story comes on about a woman who pushed another woman in front of a subway train the night before at 42d Street and Lexington Avenue. My wife says, "oh my God! That woman [the pusher] came up to me last night at the 59th Street station and asked me how to get to the 42d Street Station! I told her how to get there!"

It gets weirder. The woman who was pushed under the train was a 22 year old Big Eight accountant going home to Queens. My wife was a 22 year old Big Eight accountant going home to Queens.

[slag]

Fuck man ... that's way better than my story ... but now he has more ammo to hate on the Apple again.

[RSE]

How about that Princess Kate's baby is my kids' 11th cousin? Prince William is my 10th cousin. I think I'm about 459,000th in line for the British throne.

[slag]

Oh yeah?

Well I had a German Shepard growing up that was out of a litter that was ONE removed from the Grand Master Champion of Some Shit or the Other.

[Riccardo]

Bwaaa - great string of stories. But in the "pushing" category

I was thinking you might tell a different story. One involving towel racks