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So it finally happened. I go into the restroom, and it's empty. Naturally, I go to the stall with "prime real estate" at the very end. No sooner than I get the seat cover on, and start to do the damn thing, I hear the door open, and someone comes in slowly shuffling their feet. I start praying "please don't let it be the handicapped guy". Sure enough, it is. he slowly shuffles past the stall I'm in, as I try to manuever my face away from the crack in the door so he can't see me. He goes to the towel rack, wets a paper towel, and then goes into the cramped first stall. I hear him sit down and start pushing. I immediately wipe my ass, wash my hands, and slink out of there, leaving him to do his business.
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The truth is incontrovertible. Malice may attack it, ignorance may deride it, but in the end, there it is - Winston Churchill -
Yesterday, I went to relieve myself at work, and there was a guy in one of the far stalls that was alternating grunting, whimpering, and then muttering to himself. I wasn't sure if he was just having a really hard time, or is he was going to burst out of the stall with a shotgun, but I did my business and got the hell out quick.
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Bwaahaha !!
He must have been in a bad way if he was talking to himself.Originally posted by Phoward12 View PostThe truth is incontrovertible. Malice may attack it, ignorance may deride it, but in the end, there it is - Winston ChurchillComment
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Overheard at a Chinese restaurant
80-something woman to her (presumed) husband, also 80-something: "You have a good appetite and a good digestive tract."Originally posted by Eagle In Ohio View PostOfficially awaiting Douchebagnacht II since
May 7, 2010
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Was drinking at Ventura's Green House crowded outside bar in Margate. I witnessed a guy at a table with others ( wives) so fucked up he shit himself, got up laughing, went to the mens room and presumably his car to fetch new shorts and returned and sat down as nothing happened 20 mins later.Comment
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I HATE when people chose the stall next to your when there are clearly many open and available... People who don't respect the one stall buffer are geigh.Comment
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Thats why when on the road, when I need, I SHIT primarily at Dunkin Donuts. Single toilet bathrooms.Comment
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When I was a young lawyer, the men's room on my floor was befouled on a daily basis by someone with explosive diarrhea. All over one of the stalls and the floor. Day after day after day. The odd thing was no one ever spoke or complained about it. Could I really be the only one who noticed? So one day I mentioned it to one of the most senior associates, who I had worked with much and had become friends with. I complained about how disgusting and foul it was. My friend said he didn't know anything about it. Two months later my friend developed full blown AIDS -- something, I might add, you don't ever want to see anyone go through -- and I realized to my shame that the explosive shitter was him. That's my work shit story.Comment
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Aids is no reason to shit on the floor, fuck that. My story is i walked into a bathroom at a grocery store to find a probably 85 year old man shitting in the urinal cause the single stall was full.Originally posted by RSE View PostIt IS About Me Asshole
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Fuck off, moron. - Kelly GreenComment
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Yeah, but when you walk out of there you risk the chance of everyone knowing where that stench is coming from.Originally posted by T.D-Bag View Post--
Your RetardedComment
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This is a classic thread
The shithouse where I work gets used harder than a $10 Mexican whore.
We were bitching one day about someone leaving bloody dribbles on the rim of the urinal and this guy looks up with a total Eli look. Turns out he was on some kind of kidney meds. It stopped after that, or possibly moved to the shitter, which I would never subject my proud ass to.Comment
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Fortune cookie material!Originally posted by Irish George View PostBlue Chip College Football - Coach Your College to the National ChampionshipComment
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Hate the handicapped stall at work because the crapper is higher. Why is that? Feels unnatural.
We have a lady who cleans the bathrooms twice a day so you have to figure out her schedule or risk getting the knock on the door... "Anybody in there?" Yeah, go away bitch.
Also hate anybody who talks business in the bathroom.Blue Chip College Football - Coach Your College to the National ChampionshipComment
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I can't tell you how many times I go down the hall by the bathroom here at work (single stall bathroom), and can hear a guy on his phone chatting away. Never understood the need to bring a phone to talk during a shit.Originally posted by Maniac View Post"You on the other hand, describe your shit so many times and revel in how glorious or strange it looks that there is absolutely no doubt you most definitely DO have a shit fetish." - Kelly Green
Jim Lahey is a drunk bastard.Comment
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Beer Can-diameter/anaconda-length
My freshman year at Syracuse, one of the guys on our floor runs down the hall begging us to go into the bathroom. As he opens the stall, this beer can-diameter log is snaked *twice* around the bowl.
WTF. Over the next several months, there were similar shits and it became a whodunit event as they were never flushed.
At the end of the year, the original shit-finder admits it was his ass all along that's been sprouting these unholy fecal displays. It was like a smelly episode of Columbo.Comment
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