Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Dear Kelly,

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Dear Kelly,

    I'm a young, good looking professional in need of help. I've been married for seven years and have two wonderful sons. My wife and kids are out of town visiting my mother in Topeka, Kansas. A storm blew into our town this morning and knocked out all of the power. I'm okay, I have a bunch of candles and a Tom Clancy novel.


    There was a knock at my door, when I was half way through chapter six. I looked through the peep hole, (to keep security risks to a minimum) and it was my neighbor. Let's call my neighbor "Chatham". Chatham is married to "Tim" and while Time works at the Firm, Chatham is a stay at home mom. My wife and I normally play hearts at Chatham's house the first Friday of every month. I often notice Chatham staring at my lean build. I run the local trails three times a week, I also have a set of monkey bars in my basement.


    So I answer the door and Chatham is standing there soaked to the bones. You can clearly see the outline of her breasts through her rain soaked blouse. Her areolas are inviting me to suckle. And I could be mistaken, but there seemed to be a breast milk stain under her left breast.


    She is talking about Tim being at the office and she wanted to borrow some candles, but its hard to pay attention because I'm totally staring at the milk stain. After a few awkward seconds, I catch her staring at my crotch. Chatham says, "Well, it looks like you have a thunderstorm in your adidas running shorts." I can only manage a half smile and I run to the bathroom.


    I've typed and will be sending this text from the bathroom. I need your help Kelly! What should I do? Should I give her some candles, or give her my candle?! Please respond quickly!


    Patiently waiting,


    Rainmaker in Overland Park
    500 internet fights, that's the number I figured when I first joined igglephans. 500 internet fights and you could consider yourself a legitimate internet-tough guy. You need them for experience, to develop leather skin. So I got started. Of course along the way you stop thinking about being tough and all that. It stops being the point. You get past the silliness of it all. But then...after...you realize that's what you are.

  • #2
    Bwah !!

    Squeeze hard and feed your cats.
    Officially awaiting Douchebagnacht II since
    May 7, 2010




    Comment


    • #3
      No response? Kelly left you sploogin'.

      Comment


      • #4
        Kelly "Big Bong Hit" Green is sending his response via carrier pigeon.
        500 internet fights, that's the number I figured when I first joined igglephans. 500 internet fights and you could consider yourself a legitimate internet-tough guy. You need them for experience, to develop leather skin. So I got started. Of course along the way you stop thinking about being tough and all that. It stops being the point. You get past the silliness of it all. But then...after...you realize that's what you are.

        Comment

        Working...
        X