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An Open Letter to Jeff Lurie

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  • An Open Letter to Jeff Lurie

    Dear Mr. Lurie:

    Do you remember V.I. Warshawski? You had the "hot star" of the day, (Kathleen Turner) and you figured you'd just plop her into a movie with a bad script and a horrible supporting cast (Charles Durning? Has he ever done anything worthy of watching for five seconds except for maybe The Sting?) The rest of the huge cast list was totally forgettable, as was the final cut of the movie.

    That was your plan. Hire the "hot star" and everything else will fall into line. That was your plan then, that's still your plan, isn't it? The Winnie the Pooh Looking Motherfucker (WPLM) will solve everything. You don't need Robert DeNiro level athletes. Why pay them? Desean Jackson? Lesean McCoy? Second round draft pick? Don't need any of them. I've got Kathleen Turner.

    But Kathleen turns out to be kind of a lousy actor, with a tendency to pork out on doughnuts. And WPLM, leaving aside his apparent affinity for doughnuts as well, seems to be lost looking in the mirror admiring his own image. He looks in the mirror and sees Romancing the Stone, and the rest of the world sees V.I. Warshawski.

    It's fine to sit in your box with your wife and admire all the chumps (like me)who still pay you to watch this shit. But it isn't fine for you to think that you'll ever win an Academy Award for the product you are putting on the field. You have to have a good script (playbook), a good director (not WPLM), and an excellent supporting cast (Sanchez and Bradford? Third string OL?)

    Mr. Lurie, the Eagles are the VI Warshawski of the NFL. Slightly better than the worst movies ever, but nothing you would ever go out of your way to watch.

    I note with irony that, if I am remembering correctly, Charles Durning once played a football coach in North Dallas Forty. Maybe you can combine art with the NFL and just hire him. If he's still alive.

    Your pal,

  • #2
    Your ignorance is on display for allto see

    Please. Doc Hopper from The Muppet Movie was an all time Oscar worthy performance. The Academy surely had their heads up their collective asses on the one one.

    You've got to vet your rants better.
    Last edited by Overbrook; 11-22-2015, 01:04 PM.
    "It's not getting any smarter out there. You have to come to terms with stupidity, and make it work for you."


    • #3
      -Slizz of Wangnutz


      • #4
        You just wanted to type Kathleen Turner.
        500 internet fights, that's the number I figured when I first joined igglephans. 500 internet fights and you could consider yourself a legitimate internet-tough guy. You need them for experience, to develop leather skin. So I got started. Of course along the way you stop thinking about being tough and all that. It stops being the point. You get past the silliness of it all. But realize that's what you are.


        • #5
          I watched serial mom a few weeks ago. Good stuff.

          IG-itis. This was for 3I.
          Last edited by BigSlizz; 11-22-2015, 01:56 PM.
          -Slizz of Wangnutz


          • #6

            Originally posted by 3rd & Inches View Post
            You just wanted to type Kathleen Turner.
            But Jeff is still thinking he's got The Godfather and what he really has is Apocalypse Now.