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Generally, I enjoy you salty dogs, but not this week. This is hate week, and shit is about to get real. I may not spit hot fire at you the way JDugg does, but I will spit hot stats.
I know what you're going to say already. Stats mean nothing, it's only two games, it's too small of a sample size, etc. To that I say, piss off, I can smell your fear!
Oh sure, your offense looks "impressive" and "fast" and "scores lots of points." Well this week your irresistible force is meeting the immoveable object! The Skins defense is ranked #1 overall baby, at least in the default stat of yards allowed per game. Quake with fear at these other stats as well.
Tied for 2nd overall in passing yards allowed per game. Why, our secondary has magically become a nightmare for opposing QB's. Fitzpatrick and Henne, you say? Semantics, obfuscation, and conjecture!
4th overall in rushing yards allowed per game! That smell is Shady McCoy pooping his pants at the thought of facing our front seven! They are going to beat him into leaving at least $1.00 on his next bill.
4th overall in Points allowed per game, only 13.5! I foresee lots of field goals in your future this week, some of them probably missed.
Leading the league with 10 sacks!! Do you think Nick Foles relishes the thought of facing out OLB's and Jason Hatcher, or that manimal named Chris Baker in the middle? I assure you he does not.
Using my unique formula of points scored allowed and games played, I have come up with the following outcome.
Philly scores 32 points per game but Washington only allows 13.5. Because I am a generous man, I will round that to 14 as I feel sorry for you guys. 32+14 = 46/2 = 23. Philly will likely score about 23 points per game.
Washington scores 23.5 points per game and Philly is allowing 24 points per game. Rounding up is only fair, is it not? Looks like Washington is on pace for a 24 point game. And because of gambling and stuff, you guys clearly got 3 points for home field, so in reality, it'll be 24-20, Skins.
And don't forget, our superior squadron is now led by a guy who must have grown up in Mayberry. Seriously, go look at a photo of Kirk Cousins. He looks like a high school QB that every parent dreams their daughter would bring home from the 1950's. Guys like that always win in the end!
And so hate week begins! I'll probably get less confident as the week goes on and reality rears its ugly head, but it will not be this day! A reckoning awaits you this weekend, and 1st place (because Dallas losing means the world is right) will be ours!!!
I know what you're going to say already. Stats mean nothing, it's only two games, it's too small of a sample size, etc. To that I say, piss off, I can smell your fear!
Oh sure, your offense looks "impressive" and "fast" and "scores lots of points." Well this week your irresistible force is meeting the immoveable object! The Skins defense is ranked #1 overall baby, at least in the default stat of yards allowed per game. Quake with fear at these other stats as well.
Tied for 2nd overall in passing yards allowed per game. Why, our secondary has magically become a nightmare for opposing QB's. Fitzpatrick and Henne, you say? Semantics, obfuscation, and conjecture!
4th overall in rushing yards allowed per game! That smell is Shady McCoy pooping his pants at the thought of facing our front seven! They are going to beat him into leaving at least $1.00 on his next bill.
4th overall in Points allowed per game, only 13.5! I foresee lots of field goals in your future this week, some of them probably missed.
Leading the league with 10 sacks!! Do you think Nick Foles relishes the thought of facing out OLB's and Jason Hatcher, or that manimal named Chris Baker in the middle? I assure you he does not.
Using my unique formula of points scored allowed and games played, I have come up with the following outcome.
Philly scores 32 points per game but Washington only allows 13.5. Because I am a generous man, I will round that to 14 as I feel sorry for you guys. 32+14 = 46/2 = 23. Philly will likely score about 23 points per game.
Washington scores 23.5 points per game and Philly is allowing 24 points per game. Rounding up is only fair, is it not? Looks like Washington is on pace for a 24 point game. And because of gambling and stuff, you guys clearly got 3 points for home field, so in reality, it'll be 24-20, Skins.
And don't forget, our superior squadron is now led by a guy who must have grown up in Mayberry. Seriously, go look at a photo of Kirk Cousins. He looks like a high school QB that every parent dreams their daughter would bring home from the 1950's. Guys like that always win in the end!
And so hate week begins! I'll probably get less confident as the week goes on and reality rears its ugly head, but it will not be this day! A reckoning awaits you this weekend, and 1st place (because Dallas losing means the world is right) will be ours!!!
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