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  • #1

    Divorce advice?

    I know some of you have been divorced and it looks like I'm joining that club too soon. I'm 36 and have been married 10 years 2 kids (6&2) with a house etc. Other than getting a lawyer (which I have) what can I expect? I'm still living in the house right now with her and kids because its my house too. Just nervous about the unknown I guess, we haven't been the best relationship and I feel like I'm living with a roommate who doesn't really care about me specifically.


    If its too off topic you can remove, I figured it the offseason anyway.
    Last edited by WeaponX; 02-16-2017, 10:08 AM.
    If you’re not from here, you don’t understand it. If you don’t understand it, you hate it. And if you hate it, we hate you.

    "Philadelphia is the only city, where you can experience the thrill of victory and the agony of reading about it the next day." by Mike Schmidt
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  • #2
    Originally posted by WeaponX View Post
    I know some of you have been divorced and it looks like I'm joining that club too soon. I'm 36 and have been married 10 years 2 kids (6&2) with a house etc. Other than getting a lawyer (which I have) what can I expect? I'm still living in the house right now with her and kids because its my house too. Just nervous about the unknown I guess, we haven't been the best relationship and I feel like I'm living with a roommate who doesn't really care about me specifically.


    If its too off topic you can remove, I figured it the offseason anyway.


    My advice is simple, if there is any way possible that you guys can work it out, stay, because when you have kids you are never really divorced. Sit her down and point blank ask her if that is really what she wants.

    Of course if either of you are involved with anyone else it changes everything, JMHO

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    • #3
      Do what you need to do to repair the relationship. Talk to your pastor of your church, counseling, marriage encounter weekends, everything, anything you can, kids need a stable home.
      "LIFE IS FULL OF 4TH AND 1 DECISIONS, CHOOSE YOUR NEXT CROSSROADS WISELY.

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      • #4
        We've gone to counseling and tried to work on us but it doesn't stick. She's done and already met with a lawyer and I'm tired of being unhappy in life. We both wants what's best for the kids and we think that is not to stay together. There are no other outside love interests, other than my love/hate relationship for this team.
        Last edited by WeaponX; 02-16-2017, 10:40 AM.
        If you’re not from here, you don’t understand it. If you don’t understand it, you hate it. And if you hate it, we hate you.

        "Philadelphia is the only city, where you can experience the thrill of victory and the agony of reading about it the next day." by Mike Schmidt

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        • #5
          DON'T move out. Significantly reduces your chances of a good asset split and/or keeping the house. Discuss the assets splits in spurts, so you don't piss each other off too much...and try to do it without the lawyers. Meet with the lawyers and know what your rights are, both of you, but do your best to not involve them with anything you can figure out on your own. If you can get them to do just paperwork, you will both be better off financially for it, not to mention your future relationship.

          It is going to blow. You will be up and down for a long time.

          Once it starts to clear out of your recent memory and you start getting YOUR life how you want it...and the chains of the partnership slowly break, you'll remember how great freedom to do whatever you want whenever you want can be.

          Also, the great thing is no matter how ugly and fat we are as men...a couple bucks raises us up significantly on the sexual marketplace. That first strange will feel fantastic.
          Last edited by udontknowme; 02-16-2017, 10:49 AM.

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          • #6
            Originally posted by WeaponX View Post
            We've gone to counseling and tried to work on us but it doesn't stick. She's done and already met with a lawyer and I'm tired of being unhappy in life. We both wants what's best for the kids and we think that is not to stay together. There are no other outside love interests, other than my love/hate relationship for this team.

            Then I would say to squirrel as much money away as you possibly can, you are going to need it, even if the split is amicable you will essentially have two seperate households, and I am sure that you will wind up paying child support and alimony? (It has been 35 years since I was divorced in Pa.)

            Even with 50/50 custody I was paying both, hopefully for you things have changed?

            Best of luck with it X, it's never fun, even when it works out for the better down the road the initial split can be VERY hard!

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            • #7
              Originally posted by udontknowme View Post
              DON'T move out.
              I'm not, its my house too and I've read it affect things as you've mentioned. I guess I'm just nervous that I feel lonely now and this will make it much worse without the chance of it getting better. I'm still young and in shape and relatively good looking but the idea of dating again (even though I'm nowhere near ready) is terrifying. I wouldn't even know where to start, most of my friends are hers and my original group of friends have all moved away so I'm just nervous this will make things 100x worse.
              If you’re not from here, you don’t understand it. If you don’t understand it, you hate it. And if you hate it, we hate you.

              "Philadelphia is the only city, where you can experience the thrill of victory and the agony of reading about it the next day." by Mike Schmidt

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              • #8
                Originally posted by WeaponX View Post
                I'm not, its my house too and I've read it affect things as you've mentioned. I guess I'm just nervous that I feel lonely now and this will make it much worse without the chance of it getting better. I'm still young and in shape and relatively good looking but the idea of dating again (even though I'm nowhere near ready) is terrifying. I wouldn't even know where to start, most of my friends are hers and my original group of friends have all moved away so I'm just nervous this will make things 100x worse.

                Plenty of single women out there, if you don't have any close friends to hook you up there are always dating sites, in a big city I would think your options are endless, out here in the boonies, not so much.

                I'm old, balding and according to 91ed obese, but I am dating a good looking redhead 15 years my junior, I think dating will be the least of your worries, between spliting time with the kids, running around picking them up or being home when they come back you will have limited "me" time.

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                • #9
                  Do it till it sticks, period.

                  . Some people never recover from divorce, financially or emotionally. Kids take a beating over it, sometimes for a lifetime.

                  You both need to repair this.
                  "LIFE IS FULL OF 4TH AND 1 DECISIONS, CHOOSE YOUR NEXT CROSSROADS WISELY.

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                  • #10
                    This is my theory. Life is short and you don't get a second time around here. Divorce is not a nice thing, but living your life unhappy isn't any better. Your kids will be better off if you're happy and you're able to be a better parent. I've been through it. In the beginning it was a bit tricky but it worked out just fine and my time with my son became that much more important. It sounds as if your wife is moving in this direction and you also have tried to make things work.

                    In the end there are too many things in this life that make us unhappy that we cannot change. If there is some thing that you can do to make your life better/happier then you do it.
                    Canada is like a really nice apartment over a meth lab.

                    Robin Williams

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by KenfromCanada View Post
                      This is my theory. Life is short and you don't get a second time around here. Divorce is not a nice thing, but living your life unhappy isn't any better. Your kids will be better off if you're happy and you're able to be a better parent.

                      In the end there are too many things in this life that make us unhappy that we cannot change. If there is some thing that you can do to make your life better/happier then you do it.
                      I truly believe this too and am just having trouble now since this is actually happening this time (getting lawyers involved etc). It's just difficult to let go of something you've built for 10+ year for the a future filled with the unknown. I'm guessing this feeling is only temporary and I'll be able to move on, I'm just a little impatient and want to move on from it now.
                      Last edited by WeaponX; 02-16-2017, 11:45 AM.
                      If you’re not from here, you don’t understand it. If you don’t understand it, you hate it. And if you hate it, we hate you.

                      "Philadelphia is the only city, where you can experience the thrill of victory and the agony of reading about it the next day." by Mike Schmidt

                      Comment

                      • #12
                        Its good advice, but srry to hear about that man

                        its always the last option, if counseling and everything else has failed.

                        Best Advice be there for your kids,,and it takes a few years to get thru the whole thing and feel better, back on track ect.
                        Last edited by TRENT; 02-16-2017, 11:55 AM.
                        OFFICIAL BOARD DRUG CZAR
                        "BFTR"

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                        • #13
                          WeaponEx

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Snakebitten View Post
                            WeaponEx
                            That is actually pretty damn funny.
                            If you’re not from here, you don’t understand it. If you don’t understand it, you hate it. And if you hate it, we hate you.

                            "Philadelphia is the only city, where you can experience the thrill of victory and the agony of reading about it the next day." by Mike Schmidt

                            Comment

                            • #15
                              If you feel bad about that 10+ years investment now, imagine how you'll feel when it gets to be 20 or 30 years. Just when is the point of no return?

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